When it’s time to find new friends: Red Flags

I debated a long time writing this because now that I am older I don’t like conflict. If I was blogging like this back in the day I would have no problem calling bitches out. However, It is not fair to me or to my readers who are also on a personal growth journey. This has been a struggle for the past few years. I fully believe people come into your life to teach you a lesson. When you finally learn the lesson that is when it’s time to find new friends.

it's time to find new friends

I have cut ties with some of my closest friends these past few years. It took me a long time and a lot of red flags to get to this place. I thought these people would be my friends forever. That they were my tribe!

Starting my journey

Once starting this personal growth journey and my mindset/priorities shifted. Something in me starting seeing people and situations for what they were worth. Something I did not want to be a part of and that I needed to distance myself from.

I spend days, weeks, even months going back and forth thinking I was stupid for making something out of nothing. I reached out to a few new friends I had and shared the situations that were pissing me off.

And each person I talked to agreed that it should bother me. I wouldn’t dare bring it up to the person that is involved. (and yes I know I should have, but in all honesty, I was scared of her.) Scared of her yelling at me (even though I am a grown-ass adult.) Knowing she would turn the rest of my friends against me.

Being the bigger person… kinda

They are so many instants I could use as examples as to why this person wasn’t a good friend. But there is no need to call them out by name. So I will be using the word them. I am just writing this is making me feel better. Because this has been weighing on my heart and shoulders for A LOOOONNNNGGGG TIME.

Although I specifically talk about one person. There were a few friends I cut off after because I started seeing their red flags as well.

I want to share when I knew it was time to find new friends. If you can relate to any of these stories I am sharing. I recommend you take a long hard look at your friend group.

it's time to find new friends
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How they speak to you

When I was younger I always said “If I am not making fun of you, it means I don’t like you” and 90% of the time that was true. There however a difference between kidding around with friends and then using their insecurities as an insult.

When you take a step back you can really start to see how little they think of you. You start noticing how actually kind of mean they are. Those are not the type of friends you want.

Drop everything for them

They call you last minute expecting you to drop whatever you are doing to come to hang out with them. Without thinking of you they disregard the plans you had or how you are feeling. They act as if your world revolves around them and their friendship with you. Which is not the case.

it's time to find new friends
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Guilt trips

If I had a nickel for every time I have been given the guilt trip because I did not do the previous thing we just talked about. It is very upsetting to them when you set boundaries and said you need to give me more notice if you want me to come to hang out. I was met with excuses and a guilt trip.

They would always wait till the last minute and then text me “I didn’t know I was coming out your way.” We haven’t seen you in forever.”

I went out to a neighborhood party when we first moved to Tampa. This friend called and said to come to meet her at a bar. Even after I had explained Mike and I had been drinking and really couldn’t drive there. They tried everything they could to get us to come. To the point, Mike and I got in our car and was going to drive drunk. (stupid on our part)

As soon as we got in the car, Mike knew he couldn’t drive. We sat in our driveway on the phone texting back and forth with them and they gave us a guilt trip. “you got my hopes up saying you were coming and now your not. I am so sad now”

I instantly got upset, because she had no regard for mine, nor Mike’s safety and then proceeded to act like it was our fault. That right there made me realize maybe it’s time to find new friends.

Made you feel less than

These same friends knew I didn’t have a lot of money and they would plan these trips and go to concerts, giving me a guilt trip for not having the money to go.

They made it well known when they got something new or would make me feel less than if I was excited about something I had done or bought.

I was so excited when I started dating this guy. He made me feel like a princess. I had some friends make it well known that they did not like him. Any chance they got they talked shit about him. It caused a lot of strain on my new relationship. It made me feel like I was never good enough in their eyes.

it's time to find new friends
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You don’t like who you are

When I look back on our time hanging out. I found that I was acting like someone I didn’t recognize. Reflecting I can see that we were kind of mean girls. They took somethings too far and have made people cry.

Since starting my personal growth journey I realize that I didn’t like who I was becoming because I felt I had to act a certain way around them or they wouldn’t like me.

Never do what you want

When my current boyfriend asked me to marry him, I started planning the wedding. I made plans with my friends to go look at some supplies to do some DIY projects for the wedding and go wedding dress shopping.

We never made it to the craft store and when we went to Davids bridal I was left to try on dresses by myself. I was in a dressing room alone trying to zip up my first wedding dress on and I couldn’t do it. I burst into tears, took the dress off, and walked out of the room to sit in a chair watching my “friends” try on wedding dresses.

All I could do was keep my mouth shut. I was so over everything. I waited for them to bring me home. When I walked in the door I took one look at Mike and burst into tears again.

Any chance they got they made any outing that I wanted to do about them and brushed me off to the side.

it's time to find new friends
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Feeling drained after

I used to be able to go out all night long. Now that my perspective of them has changed, but I didn’t want to stop being friends. They were the only ones I had. I found myself being drained an hour into the night. I couldn’t keep up this charade of having a good time when the mere sight of them just irked the shit out of me.

Going out with them just drained me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I would rather be alone then deal with how I was feeling when I was with them.

Time to find new friends

And that is what I did. Over this last year, I have removed people from my life that no longer align with the path that I am on. What really helped was having a global pandemic happen. Kidding, but kinda not.

I removed and blocked them all from social media. Not going to lie it has been lonely. But it all boils down to would I rather be lonely or feel worthless?

I would choose to be lonely 1000 times over. It is never worth it to have friends that make you feel less than or make you feel like a different person.

Shit, I have so many red flag stories to tell I could write a series on red flags in friendships. All of which I have journaled about it. I know this post was kind of more about me and my situations, but I hope you can relate to them in your own life. Take a step back to start seeing things for how they are. Maybe it’s time to find new friends.

So I am accepting applications for new friends if anyone would like to apply. Leave a comment down below telling me your red flag stories!

Until next time, have a great day!

it's time to find new friends

31 thoughts on “When it’s time to find new friends: Red Flags

  1. TBH, I leave friends when I think they are crossing their boundaries. And these points you have covered are very important to not to ignore!

  2. Yes! This is a must-read because we all have that one friend that does at least one if not most of the negative things on this list. Thank you for sharing!

  3. These are really red flags, especially guilt trips. I hate it. It’s very important to surround ourselves with true friends without these. Thank you for sharing

  4. It is a big question about friendship and as we grew up, we learned that we have to draw a line when people in our lives just take advantage of us. It’s all part of letting go and friends do drift apart. Thank you for sharing your insights. – Knycx Journeying

  5. Making friends is so hard at times and I don’t know if it’s just me but I think female friends are even harder to deal with. I completely agree with the red flags you have outlined here. The one that really hit home for me is ‘Feeling drained after’. I have friends that after hanging out with them I feel drained and out of it. I used to think it was a ‘me’ problem but over time I realized that my energy didn’t merch with theirs and that was okay too.

    1. And that’s why I fled without saying bye. I knew there would be a guilt trip, I would feel drained after and nothing would have changed. Better to cut my ties with my mental health in tact.

  6. Hi Michele! I have a friendship related story too but somehow different. It goes back to when I was still in college. I hang out with classmates I think I’m friends with but in the end, they don’t care about me like we share each other’s stories, good news, etc. I rarely read pieces like this and it’s very cool! I think more people should post this insightful story.

  7. I am so sorry! And yes it definitely is time to find new friends. when I came to a similar decision I had a though my friends thought of me as someone who is always on a stand by to jump in and spend time with them. Last-minute call and I should be there and it was always OK for THEM to be late for hours and it was not ok for me to be angry about it. I can totally relate. Too bad you had to feel what you felt in the wedding dress fitting room

  8. It’s often not that easy to find new friends especially as we grow older we reduce the number of friends and just keep those we trust, cherish/love.

  9. Less friends less drama. Real friends are supposed to be supportive, they are supposed to know that you can’t afford somethings because you don’t have money, hence they are supposed to get that thing for you or they don’t drag about getting it for themselves only.

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