I need to ask you a serious and very important question… How often are you showing yourself love? I don’t mean self-care. Even though self-care is important… But I am asking how often are you showing yourself love… compassion, or even affection?
The same feelings and emotions you would give towards a friend. A friend who is having intrusive thoughts or self-doubt about who they are as a person.
How often are you showing yourself love?
We often spend our time belittling ourselves for all the things we didn’t do. And spend less time praising all that we have been through… and thanking ourselves for becoming who we have become. Because all that past trauma made us who we are.
When you have past trauma you can either let it consume you. Consume you to the point you are always playing the victim. Or you can rise up do the shadow work to become a better version of yourself. Because you may have trauma but that trauma doesn’t define you.
The revelation I had
All the shit I have been through as a child well into adulthood. Lead me to play the victim for the longest time. I let it define me as a person. Previously, I have talked before about living my life as if it was me against the world. I was angry all the time and I let it get the best of me.
Looking back now 2 years into a personal growth journey. I can see why I played the victim for so long. Because that is what my mother did. It was a learned behavior that I watched her play into for 27 years. We didn’t know better.
(I had a revelation while writing this. I had to post this on TikTok.)
Playing the victim
My mom did not have a strong female role model in her life that taught her otherwise. In a previous blog, I mentioned about living a mediocre life was shoved down my throat. My mother also had that done to her. She never had anyone tell her that life could be more than just the shit she went through.
Having someone in your corner telling you different is a blessing. What happens if you don’t have a person to do that for you? You need to do it for yourself. You are the only person who is going to be with you. From the day you are born to the day you die.
Treat yourself like a friend
Treat yourself as if you are your own best friend. Which you should be! I know I don’t have to tell you that. Because that you already know it, but in case you have forgotten lately. The way you treat yourself is going to show others how you want to be treated. When you become your own best friend you start to realize your worth. When you realize your worth you won’t accept anything else from anyone and that should include yourself.
Show yourself love
How do we show ourselves love? This may sound stupid, but I find it to be 100% true. We first need to start romanticizing our life. I am talking to both of us. Because I am still trying to get out of the mindset that I am the fat quirky sidekick. That goes for you too sis or bro. We need to start living our life as if we are the main character in a multi-billion dollar Hollywood movie. Why? because why the fuck not!
We need to start showing ourselves compassion. Mistakes are made, nothing that can’t be corrected. We are human. You need to start being understanding towards yourself when you fail. Actually, let’s remove that word from our vocabulary. You nor I fail. We just had a minor setback. We need to learn the lesson. Then take what we have learned and apply it to our life to be better.
We need to stop putting ourselves down if we have a minor setback. It is not the end of the world. Dust off our shoes and stand right back up. Bigger and better than we did the day before.
Suspend judgment of yourself. Take notice of the changes you are going through. Recognize that you are growing and you are learning. Especially because you are discovering a new version of yourself that you never thought you could be.
You must be willing to be empathic to yourself when you have minor setbacks. Being on a personal growth journey and showing yourself love does not come easy. You must learn to be patient with yourself and work on the things you want to correct. It will not happen overnight and you must be okay with that.
Normally the way we show affection to others is by doing something we know they would like. I know love languages have been becoming really popular lately. Why not take the test find your love language and do things for yourself that relate to your love language.
My love language is words of affirmation. I find myself leaving notes on my desk, in my journal, or speaking them to myself. If I am not getting enough words of affirmation from others. I need to do it for myself. Right! I am a strong, independent woman. I can give myself my own love language.
Not that I don’t appreciate it from others. So if you care to make me feel loved. Leave me a comment down below with some words of affirmation. haha
Start thanking yourself for all the things you have done, have been through, and will continue to do. Let go of that notion that we can’t appreciate our positive traits. Stop letting it make you uncomfortable to appreciate all your hard work. Quit squirming when you say something nice about yourself. Own what you continue to do every day. Are you unsure of what you do every day? Well, let me make it clear for you… You are making this motherfucking world a better place with your presence.
You may not see it, but I see it. And I will be right here cheering you on. You know for all the shit you do on a daily basis that no one else sees. Take 60 seconds right now and say something amazing about yourself. I will too.
Michele, you are an amazing human being and if others don’t appreciate you for you… that is fine. Because you are making beautiful things happen for yourself. You are working so hard on loving yourself. The fact you are building yourself a platform to raise others in believing in what you see in them. You are a badass and I love you bitch!
Take pride in yourself and everything you do. Not to the point of becoming narcissistic. But just being confident and proud of who you are and where you are going. Stop the negative thinking and if you can’t right now. I understand, but just know you are your own biggest critic. Just be aware of what you are doing.
Admire the life you are creating. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Live fully and dare greatly.
If I can leave you with one piece of advice it would be to Spend time thinking about all those inspirations, dreams, and hope you have for yourself. Not only to live your life thinking of all the things you can do but to actually go out and live it.
Showing yourself love is one of the single greatest things you can do for yourself. Now go out into this great big world and live by your own rules and march to your own drum.
I love you and you are amazing. You deserve everything you have ever wanted. Remember you not to hide your beautiful characteristics. They are what make you… you. Now go love on yourself!
Until Next Time, Have a Great Day!