I need to ask you a serious and very important question… How often are you showing yourself love? I don’t mean self-care. Even though self-care is important… But I am asking how often are you showing yourself love… compassion, or even affection?
The same feelings and emotions you would give towards a friend. A friend who is having intrusive thoughts or self-doubt about who they are as a person.
How often are you showing yourself love?
We often spend our time belittling ourselves for all the things we didn’t do. And spend less time praising all that we have been through… and thanking ourselves for becoming who we have become. Because all that past trauma made us who we are.
When you have past trauma you can either let it consume you. Consume you to the point you are always playing the victim. Or you can rise up do the shadow work to become a better version of yourself. Because you may have trauma but that trauma doesn’t define you.
The revelation I had
All the shit I have been through as a child well into adulthood. Lead me to play the victim for the longest time. I let it define me as a person. Previously, I have talked before about living my life as if it was me against the world. I was angry all the time and I let it get the best of me.
Looking back now 2 years into a personal growth journey. I can see why I played the victim for so long. Because that is what my mother did. It was a learned behavior that I watched her play into for 27 years. We didn’t know better.
(I had a revelation while writing this. I had to post this on TikTok.)
Playing the victim
My mom did not have a strong female role model in her life that taught her otherwise. In a previous blog, I mentioned about living a mediocre life was shoved down my throat. My mother also had that done to her. She never had anyone tell her that life could be more than just the shit she went through.
Having someone in your corner telling you different is a blessing. What happens if you don’t have a person to do that for you? You need to do it for yourself. You are the only person who is going to be with you. From the day you are born to the day you die.
Treat yourself like a friend
Treat yourself as if you are your own best friend. Which you should be! I know I don’t have to tell you that. Because that you already know it, but in case you have forgotten lately. The way you treat yourself is going to show others how you want to be treated. When you become your own best friend you start to realize your worth. When you realize your worth you won’t accept anything else from anyone and that should include yourself.
Show yourself love
How do we show ourselves love? This may sound stupid, but I find it to be 100% true. We first need to start romanticizing our life. I am talking to both of us. Because I am still trying to get out of the mindset that I am the fat quirky sidekick. That goes for you too sis or bro. We need to start living our life as if we are the main character in a multi-billion dollar Hollywood movie. Why? because why the fuck not!
Compassion
We need to start showing ourselves compassion. Mistakes are made, nothing that can’t be corrected. We are human. You need to start being understanding towards yourself when you fail. Actually, let’s remove that word from our vocabulary. You nor I fail. We just had a minor setback. We need to learn the lesson. Then take what we have learned and apply it to our life to be better.
We need to stop putting ourselves down if we have a minor setback. It is not the end of the world. Dust off our shoes and stand right back up. Bigger and better than we did the day before.
Empathy
Suspend judgment of yourself. Take notice of the changes you are going through. Recognize that you are growing and you are learning. Especially because you are discovering a new version of yourself that you never thought you could be.
You must be willing to be empathic to yourself when you have minor setbacks. Being on a personal growth journey and showing yourself love does not come easy. You must learn to be patient with yourself and work on the things you want to correct. It will not happen overnight and you must be okay with that.
Affection
Normally the way we show affection to others is by doing something we know they would like. I know love languages have been becoming really popular lately. Why not take the test find your love language and do things for yourself that relate to your love language.
My love language is words of affirmation. I find myself leaving notes on my desk, in my journal, or speaking them to myself. If I am not getting enough words of affirmation from others. I need to do it for myself. Right! I am a strong, independent woman. I can give myself my own love language.
Not that I don’t appreciate it from others. So if you care to make me feel loved. Leave me a comment down below with some words of affirmation. haha
Appreciation
Start thanking yourself for all the things you have done, have been through, and will continue to do. Let go of that notion that we can’t appreciate our positive traits. Stop letting it make you uncomfortable to appreciate all your hard work. Quit squirming when you say something nice about yourself. Own what you continue to do every day. Are you unsure of what you do every day? Well, let me make it clear for you… You are making this motherfucking world a better place with your presence.
You may not see it, but I see it. And I will be right here cheering you on. You know for all the shit you do on a daily basis that no one else sees. Take 60 seconds right now and say something amazing about yourself. I will too.
Michele, you are an amazing human being and if others don’t appreciate you for you… that is fine. Because you are making beautiful things happen for yourself. You are working so hard on loving yourself. The fact you are building yourself a platform to raise others in believing in what you see in them. You are a badass and I love you bitch!
Admiration
Take pride in yourself and everything you do. Not to the point of becoming narcissistic. But just being confident and proud of who you are and where you are going. Stop the negative thinking and if you can’t right now. I understand, but just know you are your own biggest critic. Just be aware of what you are doing.
Admire the life you are creating. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Live fully and dare greatly.
If I can leave you with one piece of advice it would be to Spend time thinking about all those inspirations, dreams, and hope you have for yourself. Not only to live your life thinking of all the things you can do but to actually go out and live it.
Showing yourself love is one of the single greatest things you can do for yourself. Now go out into this great big world and live by your own rules and march to your own drum.
I love you and you are amazing. You deserve everything you have ever wanted. Remember you not to hide your beautiful characteristics. They are what make you… you. Now go love on yourself!
Until Next Time, Have a Great Day!
This is a really important question and a really important post. I love how you mentioned playing the victim and how taking accountability and moving on is a big part of personal growth
It really is a big part of personal growth. You can’t place blame on everyone else without taking a look at the part you played in situations.
very informative and important post. I realise that even I would have played myself as a victim for all the setbacks that I went through in my previous years and we find comfort in that .. ita imp that we rise up, let that go in a positive way as amplified by you and give credit to ourselves and Love to ourselves
When we realize what our part is/was in our setbacks it can only get better from there. You are becoming self-aware of yourself and your actions… maybe even reactions to situations.
I love the advice of treating yourself like a friend. That is such a great idea.
We need to. I don’t know who gave my brain permission to talk badly to myself, but they need to stop it.
I totally agree with you, if no one there to tell us, we need to push ourselves and tell ourselves. You are strong to go through it and grow to be a better person.
We have to. Not everyone in our life is going to have the best intentions for us. Especially those who are not ready to face their own shortcomings. They may not be ready, doesn’t mean we have to wait.
Well, I show love, kindness and compassion to myself on a daily basis. It’s so important to do so – doubt used to be my number one problem and mood killer!
I still doubt myself from time to time, but more often now I don’t think I just post or create.
Great post. I can relate because I’m a victim. I spend a lot of times blaming myself for my past mistake or regretting over decisions I didn’t make and less time loving and praising myself. This post is a great reminder. Thank you a lot.
There is a difference if you are actually a victim of something or you are just playing the victim. We all blame ourselves for past mistakes or decisions. We need to let that go we can’t change the past. No sense in wasting perfectly good energy on something you can’t change.
That’s a fantastic post. We so often forget to love ourselves and end up over criticizing and over judging ourselves. Loving oneself is very important to be happy and in turn keep others happy.
Yes. We are our biggest critic and I don’t know why. We wouldn’t talk to our friends like that or a child. Why do we allow our brains to talk so badly about ourselves.
Oh, how this hits home. I think it’s sad but women are not really taught to love themselves. At least I feel like I was always taught to give and be humble and loving yourself would take away from that. Thank you for this reminder, I have settled with self-care as the only way of showing myself love and that is simply not enough.
You are not alone Merveille. I was taught that way too. My mom would cater to her boyfriends even if she was exhausted. I don’t know how she did it.
I agree that Self-love and knowing ones self-worth is such an important topic. Both things women have a hard time with.
Right… It annoys me that it is mostly women who have this problem.
I try to do it daily of at least several times a week. How? I do whatever I like and what makes me happy with one condition: I should be something I am doing for me. It might be a spa hour, extra workout, hobby time or reading a book. It doesn’t really matter, it is something I must enjoy by myself
I have been doing it since this idea popped in my head. I just need to be nicer to myself.
I think having spent so much time at home alone stuck indoors has made me reflect on this big time.
Me too. I think about this every day lately. How can I show myself love in some way shape or form?
Super relate to this. We tend to be extra harsh on ourselves, especially when we have setbacks or goals we failed to achieve. It’s important to be patient with ourselves tho and give a bit more love and affection our way. Hahaha
Yes, we need to learn those lessons when we have setbacks and apply them the next time.
It is really hard to show myself hard sometimes. I can do it to others, but can’t do it for myself. It is super hard.
It is hard, but you need to make that conscious effort every day. Loving yourself needs to be the most important thing you do every day.
This article came at the right time, as I am currently becoming more aware of appreciating myself for who I am. Thanks for the inspiration!
Oh, you are so welcome Anne!