Why is it so fuckin hard making friends in your 30s??? I can’t wrap my head around it…
I have had a rough couple of months in the friend’s department lately. But these last few days were some doozies. It is not the first time I have brought up dropping all my old friends when I moved to Tampa 2.5 years ago.
Read until the end to find out what did I learn after this ramble?
A Personal Growth Journey Can Be Lonely
I didn’t realize when I started my personal growth journey and I started wanting more for myself that I would realize they were my drinking buddies. I was their backup friend when someone else was busy. I was the afterthought when the plans were already made and people were already showing up. I would get the text to drop EVERYTHING I was doing and come hang out.
For the last 2.5 years, it’s just been me, Mike, and Mikayla. Mike is working crazy hours. Mikayla is busy hanging out with her friends and I’m sad because I’m home alone.
Trying to make friends
I have online friends. I don’t have any real friends that I can just call all up that live in Tampa and say “hey, you want to go hang out? Do you want to go to a thrift store? Do you want to go get coffee?
I am just in a bad mental space. I’ve tried making friends on Bumble BFF and I joined a group on Facebook for women that are local to Tampa and nothing comes of it. I feel like I have no one to talk to. And then the friends online like, yes, I can vent to them it’s not the same because I want friends that are physically here. I feed off of energy and when it’s through a computer screen or through a phone, it’s not the same. Is it helpful? Yes, but only to a certain degree.
You watch all these movies and commercials and things like that of people laughing having fun and going and hanging out with friends and it’s like, what’s that? I don’t know what that feels like. I can’t relate to that.
Making friends in your 30s
I hate to cry about it, but I’m just so upset. What does a person have to do to make some friends as an adult?
I meet people online that live close to me or talk about how they don’t have any friends. So I respond like, hey, let’s be friends. I shoot them a message saying “hey, you said you had no friends. I don’t have any friends either. Let’s be friends. And then they don’t reply to you. It makes me feel like they put that out there on the internet. To what, gain sympathy, get views, likes, and popularity? But in reality, you don’t actually want to be friends with anybody. So it’s just a fucking crock of shit.
When I tell somebody that I want to be friends with them, like I want to be friends with them, I understand that it’s a process to get to know you and things like that. And who knows if we will stay friends? But you don’t know unless you try.
I’m all for becoming friends with people, especially when I initially feel like they are good people. I want to be friends with good people. I want to be friends with people who are also on a personal growth journey and have similar interests.
What I look for in a friend
I already had, the fake friends, the drinking buddies. I want actual friends that are going to encourage me as well as me encouraging them. This is not just a take, take, take kind of relationship. It is us sharing our mutual energies together to better each other, to better our lives. It’s just the flow of energy. If you are down, you are doubting yourself. I’m going to be there right there to pick you up and be like, Hey bitch, you’re stupid. You’re amazing. What the fuck?
That’s probably not motivational, but when you’re friends with someone, you can talk like that. But the moral of that is that I would help you realize that you are smart, you are worthy. What you are doing is amazing. And even though it may feel like shit now, later on in life, it’s not. It’s going to be worth it.
And then I’m having a low day You can encourage me. I’m a blogger. I’ve got nothing going on in my brain. And that’s how it’s been for the past two months. I have no one to bounce ideas off of when I am doubting myself.
It is affecting all areas of my life
Right now nothing I have seen, nothing I have read has inspired me to write about it or apply it to my life. And I’m just at a standstill. And the only thing that was worth writing about was the overturning of Roe v Wade. That was the only thing that gave me motivation or inspiration to write anything and then getting more involved in politics. But other than that, my personal growth is at a standstill. My friendships in real life are nonexistent.
It sucks and I don’t know how to explain it. I mean, do I go out and do things? No. I would, though. I don’t want to go out and do things by myself. I mean, I do. God, I am like so back and forth. I can go to the thrift store by myself. Is it better with somebody else? Absolutely. I can go and do a lot of things by myself. But it is always better when you’re with somebody. Again, it’s the feeding off of each other’s energies. And I’m just alone. I probably talk to my cats more than actual people.
Is anyone else like that?? Talking to your furbabies more than people??
Just needed to vent
This is going to serve no other purpose than just for me to vent. Because a part of me sometimes just feels like I’m alone like nobody else feels this way. And I know that’s not true. But when you’re stuck in your own head, that’s what tends to happen. You think in this world of billions of people that you are alone, that nobody else in this world at this exact moment can feel the same thing that you are feeling, and that is a lie.
And you would think out of the billions of people on this earth, that I would be able TO FIND SOME GOD DAMN FRIENDS!!!!!!!! (Sorry for using the lord’s name in vain…)
That’s it. That’s all I had to say. All it’s going to end up is me just repeating the same stuff over and over and over because it is what I’m feeling and I’m trying to work through what I’m feeling. But you can’t do that if you keep repeating the same things over and over. That is the LITERAL definition of insanity…
Take what I can get
This was a transcription of a video I made for YouTube. I went back and watched the video while I was editing it and learned some things from my verbal vomit that I just let loose on the Internet.
Surprisingly, my heart feels a little bit later. Like, maybe I can go another day or two without feeling alone or crying about being alone. I don’t know how to explain that either, but it’s just I guess I just needed to vent.
I’m going to take this as a win. This is a win. Did I really accomplish anything? No. But my heart feels lighter, and that’s all I could ask for because I’ve been carrying around that weight for a few months now and just kind of kept it to myself.
What did I learn after this ramble?
The more I think about this whole “making friends in your 30s”… I realized a few things that I can do to possibly help my situation.
- My Idea of a quality friend – My idea of a quality friend has changed. I am not looking for the same thing I was when I was in my teens and 20s. I need to accept that.
- Compliment someone – I love complimenting people on their outfits, jewelry, and accessories. But I don’t do it as often as I should. Not in hopes to make friends, but just to show a general interest in people. A new friend would be nice, but not warranted.
- Be consistent – I am a part of that Facebook Group. So I am gonna post in there about going to the thrift store or the farmers market and see if anyone wants to come. I will make it a weekly thing so people have a chance to go when they have the time.
- Bumble BFF – Same goes for Bumble BFF. I am gonna redownload it and try to put myself out there more.
- Reconnect with old friends – Not the friends I dropped but there are some friends that I am friends with on Facebook and have lost touch with over the years.
Look at me putting myself out there more… Getting out of my comfort zone. It was good to vent and come up with some solutions to my problems.
So if I did actually publish this, please, like and comment. Let’s be friends. Especially if you’re in the Florida Tampa Bay area. I’m looking at you, kid. That’s it for today’s post. I hope that some of you enjoy it. I don’t know. I’m sorry.
Until next time. Have a great day! Remember you are a badass!!