A time when you reflect on not where you came from but where you are going. I am writing a letter to my future self to subconsciously set my 2021 up for better success. To remind me that this year we will make it.
Dear Future Self,
Right now, I know you are in the middle of packing up your house and moving to Tampa. Whoa…Can you believe that? You have never lived outside of Pasco County. You have said it a couple of times now that it feels like you are moving out of state. Moving out of your hometown is a BIG deal and I hope you don’t take it for granted.
I know you are scared to move and somehow along the way of you growing up you have developed this fear and anxiety that you are not meant to have good things happen to you. In a year from now, I hope when you are reading this that your mind has been changed. This fear and anxiety you have that things will not work out needs to stop.
You are a firm believer that if you say something negative you are putting it out into the universe and it will happen because you are putting that bad juju into your world. You also need to realize that even thinking it you are self-sabotaging. It’s okay to be scared and unsure, but don’t let it take over your every thought that you don’t enjoy the things you are doing and will be doing.
You are scared things won’t work out getting this house, but honey Mike has never steered you wrong. In 7.5 years Mike has always said it will be okay. Can you please for once just listen to him. He loves you a lot and would never let anything happen to you.
While we are talking about Mike lets put it out there… this man is never going to leave you. I know there are days you believe that and there are days you don’t. Trust me and trust him. You guys are in it for the long haul.
The past couple of years have been rough for you trying to have a baby. You were doing all the things you needed to be doing to have a baby but then you got discouraged and quit. Please start going to the doctors again and do ALL the things you need to do to make it happen. You have said for the past 10 years when I want a baby, I will quit smoking and lose weight… GIRL… you are not getting any younger. Do it already. I hope in 2020 you announce to everyone that you and Mike finally got married and then you guys will be having a baby.
I know all of this self-doubt and constant worrying comes from your self-esteem. Again there are days you have it and other days that you don’t. Please just knock it off. Stop feeling like that young, naive girl that thought she was ugly and unlovable. I know you have been working on that. You have been posting more selfies lately on Instagram.
I applaud you for that, even though you are self cautious about your teeth. It’s not your fault you look like you have a resting bitch face. I know it makes you very sad and upset to look back at pictures of your younger self constantly smiling because that’s what you love to do. You love to laugh and smile while having a good time. But, you stopped doing that when things got bad. It didn’t matter what you did to try and save your teeth… it was too late. Your mom had bad teeth and so did your dad. It was inevitable. One day I hope you can get them fixed and feel 100% confident.
Michele, please stop crying right now. I know that was hard for you to write. I know you keep a lot of things to yourself because you don’t want to argue or cause drama. You don’t want to be a burden and sometimes you feel alone and that nobody cares about you. I know you have talked to Mike about it all, but it doesn’t change anything. You won’t speak up because you don’t want to upset people.
I know Mike is your best friend, but he doesn’t understand he is not a girl. While you are in Tampa spend as much time as you can exploring and documenting your adventures as you did in Pasco. Take amazing photos and make some amazing friends.
I know when you move to Tampa you will be looking for a new job. I really hope you find something we really love doing. Something that allows us to be creative every day. You have all these dreams of starting your own business, please give that a try. I know you have the blog, but I hope you get to extend the site to more than just a blog… maybe your own Etsy store. Designing some cute products or you have been writing down more recipes for dessert bread and savory bread. Like that Sage and sausage bread or that pineapple coconut bread… please make them.
You have brilliant ideas just make them. Also side-note: Don’t let Mike (or you for that matter) lose the passion for making hot sauces. You both love making burn your booty hole sauces and savory sauces. Don’t stop striving for owning a business. One day it will happen.
I noticed you stopped crying… is it because you know I’m right? Its cause I am. You just had all these thoughts going on in your head and just needed a place to put them. That’s what this blog is for. Getting all those thoughts out and share them with your audience. You are not the only one who feels this way. I am glad you feel better.
I hope when you are reading this next year you remember how much you thought things weren’t going to work out and realize it was all in your head. When you and Mike want something you guys go get it. Every year since you guys got together its been a struggle, but each year it’s getting better and better. Great things are meant to happen for you guys… I can feel it. Just don’t stop pushing each other to be better.
You may not read this on your blog next year, so I am going to send this using the website “future me” You will get this sent to your email. Please remember to check your email!
Just know I love you and I write all this with love. I know you will be mad at yourself for a bit after writing this, thinking you are a loser and you sabotaged yourself. In a way you kinda did. Be mad for the rest of the night while debating back and forth if you should post this. In the end, just post it. Hold yourself accountable for your actions and make changes this year. You are the only one in your way. Work on yourself and love yourself in a way you never have before. Remember your power words for this year’s accountability and empowerment.
You got this,