I’m so ugly: How to handle those not so good days

This wasn’t going to be what this week’s post was about… but I had a conversation with a friend that kind of inspired this. It baffles me to think that those we think are beautiful and attractive also have those “I’m so ugly” days. When I first met my friend I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. I loved her smile. It just brought this sense of light to me. And for her to come to me saying she felt ugly just blew my mind. So I want to share the conversation that inspired this post.

Her: I’m having a down day. I feel ugly. And discouraged.
Me: That’s me every day. What’s going on?
Her: Well you have an amazing way of hiding it! You scream confidence. I love the energy you give off. I have a hair appt. It always makes me feel like I’m wasting money since I look like a man…
Me: WHAT! YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE A MAN! I wish I looked like you.
Her: I literally look like my dad. I could be his twin if I was 30 years older
Me: Me too! It is not a waste of money if it makes you feel good.
Her: Well hopefully it does lol

I’m so ugly

Just that little conversation lit this fire in me because here I am thinking every day that I am ugly. I have been working on my self-esteem a lot but I still have my days where I feel like a cow.

And here is someone who I think is freakin gorgeous says she is feeling ugly. And when I say that’s me every day, her mind I think was kinda blown. She sees me as confident and loves the energy I give off. That right there blew my mind. The way we see ourselves is completely different than how others see us.

So right now I am going to give a little pep talk to my friend here, because I know she is reading this post. And then we are going to get into How to handle those “I’m so ugly” days.

“To my beautiful friend”

I know you were having a down day and I hope it was just that … a down day. Also, I know you are going through a little rough patch but you need to know that you are absolutely gorgeous and I have thought that since day one. I think your best feature is your smile and you should definitely show that off more. Your smile can light up any room you walk into. Know that you are beautiful even if you think you look like a man. Trust me you are the only one who thinks that. I would love to look like you. Your smile makes me so jealous.

This little rough patch you are going through won’t last long. I see you working towards everything you have ever wanted. Will it be easy? No… it will take some time, but so worth it in the end. Choose positivity and light. Be kind to yourself because we know we are our own worse critics.

Societies standards

Society’s standards of beauty are fucking bullshit. You know it… I know it…All women know it… So why do we let it get us so riled up about our looks? Why do we constantly compare ourselves to others? for what? You, nor I have the money to change ourselves to look like them… Even if we did… why would we want to?

So the world could be filled with carbon copies of Margot Robbie, Jennifer Lawrence, Kristen Bell…I think they are beautiful, but I don’t want to look like them… Because they are already them.

I spent my whole life trying to hide away and wish I was someone else. Because I was too fat, too loud, too much. Do you know how hard it is to shrink yourself down when you got these thunder thighs and childbearing hips… It took me a long time to appreciate them. I don’t know how it happened, but I like it. I don’t know about you, but I am starting to think I am pretty fucking awesome.

Change your mindset

This one has been the game-changer. Changing your mindset also has to be the hardest. When you spend your life thinking a certain way for however many years it is not going to change overnight. It is going to take a lot of trial and error. I am 3 years into my personal growth journey and I STILL have days where I wanna be a negative nancy and just want to talk shit about everything. But who is that helping? Not me… Not the people around me.

You have to check yourself when you fall back into that negative nancy mindset. Not saying you have to be positive all the time, but pick and choose your battles. Some things are a little bit more important than others. You need to figure out what you want to put your effort into and what is just a waste of your time…

Things you love

Every night before I go to bed I make a list of things I love about myself. It could be something as simple as I love how I hold the door open for those going in or coming out behind me. I love that every person I have an interaction with I wish them a great rest of their day (It is even my tagline at the end of my posts). Orrrrr for some of us… I love that I look like my dad. It took me 35 years to appreciate that I look like my dad. This year is the year I started appreciating myself for that.

If you have read some of my other posts you would know why. If you are new here… My dad died in 1988 at the age of 26. If you want to read what happened click here. I am the last of his DNA as of right now. My father can live on in the features I got from him. That right there makes me appreciate myself more now than ever.

I know listing things you love about yourself sounds stupid and a little narcissistic, but when you have spent long hating on yourself… You need to show yourself some love. I have my days, but I am a work in progress, just like you.

Take Responsibility

This brings me to my next order of business… you are probably reading this header like what the fuck do you mean to take responsibility? What I mean is stop playing the victim. It took me many years to realize that I was playing the victim. I blamed everyone for the problems that were happening in my life. Well if my mom did this then I wouldn’t have done that. If my job gave me a raise I wouldn’t be so broke.

The same can be said for the way you look. Are you dressing how you want to dress or are you wearing things just because it was on sale, on clearance, half off at the thrift store… Are you wearing make-up? If that’s the thing you are into. If you are not… are you taking care of your skin? What about your hair? Are you styling it or are you throwing it up in a messy bun and calling it a day?

Are you doing the things you know would make you feel beautiful? I bet the answer is no. You don’t have to go all out to the 9’s and 10’s, but if you are not putting in the effort no wonder you feel ugly. You HAVE to schedule in time to do something that makes you feel beautiful. Don’t blame it on other things.

Was that too harsh?

I don’t want to come off as mean, but I am a firm believer in tough love. I tell you this because it is what worked for me. Take what you will with a grain of salt. I put out these blog posts to remind you that you need to love yourself. Grow to be better than you were yesterday. Take 5 mins and put your hair in a side braid… Throw on a dress instead of a pair of yoga pants.

You don’t have to go ALL Dolly Parton every day, but do a little something for yourself to boost your confidence. I can guarantee that all of you who are reading this are beautiful and unique in your own way… If not you will get your money back… Oh, wait you didn’t pay for this. That is okay I still stand by my guarantee.

I love you and I wish you loved yourself a little bit more. Because I see some amazing people coming here and reading this little post of mine. I’m glad that you did read it, but honestly, you don’t need it. You are freakin gorgeous.

Until Next Time, Have a great day! Remember you are a badass! Love ya bitch!