I didnt plan on embarking on a self improvement journey.
But, On and off for years Mike and I would discuss what we wanted for our life together and for the first 7 years of our relationship it was just that… a discussion. Neither one of us actually did anything to change how our life going.
We just worked our jobs and complained about the things we didn’t like, but never did anything about it. For some reason, I had this nagging feeling inside that I didn’t know how to get rid of.
The mindset I was in
I always had the mindset I was going to live and die in the same town I was born in. Already I have lived 33.5 years in the same town and thought this is how life was going to go. I mean it isn’t the worse thing that could happen, but I knew deep down inside that I wanted more.
I didn’t want to be rich and famous. What I wanted to just have a career that I loved, a family of my own, and be financially stable. I didn’t want a lavish lifestyle, I just wanted a little bit more than what I had. That nagging feeling would never quit down if I didnt do something about it.
It was hard to do something about it when all I would think about myself was negative thoughts. Looking back now and tell you I was self-sabotaging. I wouldn’t start anything because I would think all these thoughts that I wasn’t good enough or that I don’t have anything worthy of saying.
My goal was that I needed to find a way to overcome those thoughts and just do it. Which is easier said than done.
What triggered this journey?
Because of those thoughts, I can finally tell you with a clear mind what triggered this Self-Improvement Journey. I had been blogging on and off for about 10 years. Never in a million years did I think I could make it a career, mostly because I was young, dumb and naive, but I really enjoyed it. I talked about this in my post stop giving up.
In high school, I wanted to be like Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill. Broody, moody, and really creative. I wanted to draw and share my weird music tastes with my friends and have a little blog where I would talk about music. Rebel.
As a 20 something-year-old, I wanted to be like Jenna from Awkward (even though it was about a chick in high school on MTV back in the day) I want to have an anonymous blog where I could share everything my little heart wanted to say. The good the bad and the ugly.
Can you guess who is coming next?
As an adult, I wanted to write like Carrie from Sex and the city. I wanted to write about my relationships and all the douche baggy asshole I had come across.
But really who was I kidding I could never be any of those characters they were all WAAAAAAYYY cooler than I was.
Taking the plunge for REAL this time
However, I decided to take a stab at it again, I was unhappy at my current job and took the plunge after 6 months of “talking” about it with Mike.
Getting tired of just talking about it I started Our Redonkulous Life blog March 6th of 2019. I wanted to share the local adventures my family and I were having. We are not the richest people in the world and because of that I would scour the internet for fun, cheap or free things to do, to get us out of the house.
I also wanted to share our journey to becoming all-cash spenders, cheap delicious recipes. Really anything that sparked my fancy.
Things took an unexpected turn
However, things took a turn the more I wrote and thought of ideas for blog posts. Because behind the scenes of the blog I was struggling. I was lonely and depressed. I felt as if some of my friends or family never really took me seriously when it came to Our Redonkulous Life.
It was taking a toll on me because I was struggling to get the support I wanted and needed from them.
Struggling with what I wanted for myself, our life, and for my family.
I had to learn how to be my own cheerleader. Also, learn how to heal myself and what I was feeling to keep from giving up on the one thing I loved to do… which was to write for Our redonkulous life.
Not knowing that there was a word for what I was looking for. Let alone people who made videos, blogs, and podcasts about what I wanted to do, but didn’t know how to.
Finding like minded people online
Somehow came across these videos on youtube that was just so relaxing to watch of these women who were working on productivity, self-care, and their Self-Improvement Journey. I then remember everyone going on and on about Rachel Hollis’s book Girl, stop apologizing. I found her videos and podcast. From there I was hooked. She was all about going for the life you want, the life you deserve. Doing the things that make you happy.
I was fired up, but still struggling to know where to start.
The first thing I did UNINTENTIONALLY was I started to remove people from my life (via in real life or on social media) that I don’t talk to, I removed people who made me feel less than and I definitely removed people who thought me starting a blog was stupid.
I found myself pretty much alone in real life, besides Mike and Mikayla. I have a few friends I talk to, but none I talk to every day. At first, I wasn’t happy about that, but then heard the phrase “your vibe attracts your tribe”
I wanted to have people in my life that were doing the same thing. GOING AFTER THE LIFE THEY DESERVED!
Falling down the rabbit hole of the interwebz
I then started reading and watching all the content I could find about a Self-Improvement Journey. This could be daunting to others, but for me… if you have read any of my blogs 90 % of my content involves some sort of list. I love lists. I can’t help it.
It was fueling my excitement to share my Self-Improvement Journey experiences with my readers on the blog. I wanted to inspire people who wanted to better themselves and show people that a person who came from nothing was going after the life I so desperately want for myself, not just for my family.
I started putting myself first more. If I wasn’t whole for myself, how could I be whole for my family?
What I realized about my life before Self-Improvement Journey
Before finding this want for personal growth. I was very lonely, sad, and sometimes depressed. Things would just pile up and up and up to the point, I felt like I was drowning. I would keep a lot to myself because I felt like no one would really care or they would make me feel like shit for feeling the way I felt.
Because I felt that way I distanced myself from everyone. In that time being alone I realized who my friends were and who were just my drinking buddies. My time away from people I realized a lot of things about myself.
I thought for a while there I was an alcoholic. Turns out I’m not. I only drank because I was out at a bar for karaoke. That’s what you do while you are at a bar is drink.
I learned that I don’t hate everyone. Growing up it was me against the world. Now at the age of 34, I realized I enjoy people, I enjoy cheering people on and I want everyone to succeed.
I thought I was so worthless and unloveable that I was going to die alone. I was the ugly fat friend. Good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to be the girlfriend.
That is so untrue. I gave up the douche bag guys I decided I wanted to have a friend with benefits relationship and focus on myself for a year.
Well I also learned I am not made for friends with benefits because I caught feelings and he didn’t. He stopped talking to me the last month of our “relationship” However when I stopped looking Mike found me. Here we are almost 8 years later.
Making bad jokes
Knowing now that there was a word that described what I wanted I dove in full force. I was very self-deprecating, made fat jokes (which is fine sometimes, but I was using it kind of like a coping mechanism. Which isn’t good) Fat jokes are fine, because I know I am fat, you know I am fat. It’s not an elephant in the room that’s just me. (jkjkjkjkjk bad joke bad joke)
Its those jokes and coping mechanisms that caused me to reevaluate and change my way of thinking and viewing the world. How could I go after the life I wanted if I still did the same things and said the same things. The change wasn’t going to happen.
Now I am not saying change who you are 100% your personality is shit. No, your personality makes you who you are, but really think about the things you are saying and doing. Is it reflecting who you want to grow to be?
For me, it wasn’t. I mean I still have my days where I am in a funk and revert to my old ways, but I don’t let it overrun my life. I give myself that day to feel the feels and the next day I move on.
Your personality makes you who you are
Am I who I want to be, fuck no, but I am working every day to be that person. I mean come on its only been a year, even the world’s best therapist cant help unravel all this crazy in a year.
I have 34 years of shit I have to work through and that’s why I want you guys to come along with me for the journey. Each podcast we will discuss topics that weigh us down. I want to talk about it and get it off my chest and then leave it in the past.
Because that is where it needs to stay. Your past may make you who you are and how you react to things. I know for me I make jokes at inappropriate times because I have to laugh through the pain. Which isn’t always good. But If your past made you a shitty person that doesn’t mean that’s who you are meant to be. Your past makes you who you are, but it doesn’t define you.
All in all, I am well on my way to being the best version of myself and hope this inspires you to go after the life you deserve. Because if I can look around at my life and noticed something was missing and wasn’t right with me. I can’t be the only one who has felt this way. This journey is teaching me to choose my happiness and my mental health over anything in this work.
Did this make sense?
I don’t know if this made sense in my head it did, but you know there is A LOT going on in there. So it could be jumbled. The short version is at that time I was unhappy with me and my life. While in that mindset I came to the conclusion I needed to make a change. I needed to strive for more and work on being the best version of me there will ever be. Not a better version of myself that implies there is something wrong with me, but there is not anything wrong with me. Something was wrong with the idea I had of myself and that needed to be changed.
Alright, guys, I think that’s a wrap on the first episode of the Our Redonkulous Life podcast. I hope you guys kind of enjoyed it and also hope it inspires you to stick around and start your own Self-Improvement Journey. If you can please give me a good rating. It’s only gonna get crazier from here. Gimme a follow if you think I am funny.
If you want you can find me on my social media pages and connect outside of the blog. I appreciate you taking the time to read my Self-Improvement Journey.
Until next time, Have a great day!