It is that time of the year folks! The new year is upon us. Many of us are reflecting on the year thinking what a wild ride it has been. You know we can’t move forward without looking back. Without this reflection, we can’t grow as people. Looking back you can see what you need to work on or what things to leave behind in 2021. As you prepare to leave 2020 behind, here are a few gentle reminders to carry with you.
I get tickled pink with some of the superstitions I hear when it comes to the New Year. So much I wrote a post about them. Good luck Superstitions to start the new year right. If you are into this sorta thing then “you do you”, but for the others who are not, this is not something you HAVE to do.
Self-doubt will always be there if you spend your time worrying about EVERY SINGLE DECISION you make. Self Doubt has prevented you from starting (or finishing) many things this year. It is time to kick that habit to the curb. This coming year should be the year you learn more about yourself and what you want. Working on your confidence can help a lot. I highly suggest this short 11-minute video to help you on your journey to eliminate that pesky self-doubt. Mel Robbins | Self-Motivation
One of the things to leave behind this year is all those toxic relationships that just aren’t serving you anymore. You may feel guilty at first and may talk yourself out of it. Refer back to that Mel Robbins video. If you are having doubts about certain relationships in your life you OWE it to YOURSELF… NO ONE ELSE to do what is best for you. Kristen Newton gives a great Tedtalk about 9 Ways To Tell If Your Friends Are Trash.
If you are concerned about having that conversation with them. I am here to tell you, you don’t have to. We are not children. As adults, we always talk about closure. Closure is a great thing, but closure doesn’t ALWAYS mean it’s about the other person. Closure could simply mean it is ending it for you. You have to know when it’s time for you to make new friends.
Things to Leave Behind
Man, perfectionism is such a debilitating thing. What I find funny is a lot of us who are perfectionists often say something along the lines of “I am sorry I am a perfectionist. Yes, I know nothing is EVER perfect and that I should embrace the happy little accidents, but my brain just won’t let me.” We know in our minds that perfection can’t be achieved yet at the same time your brain just won’t accept that.
Procrastination is also a form of perfectionism. So with perfection you are either “go go go” or you won’t start it at all because you know it won’t be perfect. I could write a whole blog post or record a youtube video about this. But for now, it will sit on this list as one of the things to leave behind this year.
I recently was talking to my friend about how debilitating it can be. I said to her “I KNOW exactly what I need to do and how to do it. But my mind and my body physically cannot work together to get it done. Because I know if I start something my brain won’t let me stop till it’s “perfect” but I will always find something else wrong with it.
Tell your self no
This goes hand in hand with perfectionism. Learn to tell yourself no. I am serious. This year I spent a lot of time telling myself no. I’ll give you an example. When I know I will be having people over to my house. I would spend daaaaysss cleaning my house from top to bottom. In my mind, I would be saying “This needs to be perfect”. Dishes put away, floor swept and mopped, anything and everything had to be cleaned. After almost giving myself a panic attack because “I had too many things to do and not enough time”. I finally snapped and just said, “Fuck it”.
We live in this house. Things are not always perfect. Why am I running around to clean this house to make it look like no one lives here? Why? The people coming over know that we live here. I physically have to say out loud to myself when I start adding things to my mental to-do list. NO. Then I ask myself “Do you actually have to clean this right now or can it be written down to be done at a later time?” For a period of time, it will get me out of my head to answer logically and not impulsively.
A video I would recommend you watch is Adrianne Haslet-Davis – Tales of a Recovering Perfectionist
Things to Leave Behind next year!
What’s next for 2022?
I am setting myself up for success. I am making a plan now for things I want to work on. These are things I am going to do research on, test some things that could help me manage them better, and work through something that could be the cause of why I am doing them.
Expectations of others
My expectation of others can often be high. Why? because I think to myself that others will do for me what I do for them. That is not always the case. I expect too much from some people because it is something I would do. Why? Just because it is something I would do doesn’t mean that it is something they would. I need to get that notion out of my head. Some may, but a lot of people won’t do the same. And that’s not a bad thing. I am not shaming anyone. But what I find important may not be important to others. I need to quit placing this expectation on others that they may not know is important to me.
I am projecting how I want someone to treat me and get really disappointed and angry when they don’t meet the “idea” I have of them in my head.
This kinda goes along with the expectations of others. I assume you know things about me that I think are “just blatantly obvious”. When in reality you don’t know. I also assume I know what you are thinking. I try o look behind what you are saying or body language for the deeper meaning. When in reality there could be no deeper meaning. You could actually be saying EXACTLY what you meant. As I am writing this I had the realization that it stems from a fear of rejection, perfectionism, and poor self-esteem.
That is why I always assume I am too much, too loud, too whatever for others, and what they are saying or doing is just to “be nice”. When you spent your time growing up constantly being told you are too much, too loud… You start to question if you too “whatever” for everyone. Then it leads to assuming that it’s true. Hence why you learned to mute your personality. Now you are a 36-year-old cat lady wondering what happened to your funny, outgoing personality and have come to realize you have developed too many phobias and coping mechanisms to actually know who you are as a person. So you start a blog to explore that and now you just made this connection full circle. Because you just realized all this while writing this blog post.
Wow… you learn a lot when you are in this stream of consciousness. Things just click when you let your mind wander… Definitely making that one of the things to leave behind in 2022.
I am normally not one to regret things because everything I have done made me who I am today. I don’t regret any of it. But I wanted to put this on here because I have to remind myself CONSTANTLY that regrets just hinder your growth. There are times where I will catch myself saying something like “Aww man I should have done this differently.” You coulda shoulda, woulda. That stems back to perfectionism. The situation did not go the way you planned. There is no need to regret it. Think back, reflect and learn what you can from it and add those little bits of knowledge to your experience pocket.
Just a tidbit of advice for those who have regrets.
This isn’t one of those things to leave behind. It is something you have to work on constantly. What you can leave behind is that negative mindset. You know that mindset you get in when you think you are unworthy of something. You get caught up in being a negative Nancy and it is not good for your mental health.
I say this because negative thoughts will always be there. For some of us, our default setting is to assume the worse and make ourselves feel accordingly. So we spiral down the rabbit hole of shitting on everything. I… being one of those people. It takes the conscious decision and effort to stop yourself in your tracks and tell yourself NO. We are not going down this path. Not today Satan, not today! Work through how to handle your negative thoughts and find a productive way to work through them.
I have been working on this a lot in 2021. Over this past year, I have written blog posts, made youtube videos. I will continue working on my shadow work because I am finding new triggers of why I act the way I act or do the things I do. I will continue to share my story to help others. The videos I made about my dad may not have a lot of views, but I had someone reach out to me because they are in a similar situation.
We have talked on the phone about her situation my situation and ultimately decided I am should make a Facebook group for those of us in this unique situation. Being we think our mom’s killed our dad’s. It is not a normal topic of discussion. So someone has to put their story out to create this dialogue that it is okay to talk about this.
To quote Rachel Green “just so you know, it’s not that common, it doesn’t happen to every guy (person) and it IS A BIG DEAL” Although she is talking about premature ejaculation I thought the quote worked pretty good here. His penis didn’t but her quote did. Hahaha, see what I did there??
Things to Leave Behind
That is all I have for you guys. I hope you enjoyed my list of things to leave behind, my little stories, my full-circle moment, and most of all my sense of humor. That also stemmed as a trauma response and a coping mechanism. Just call me the Chandler Bing of personal growth.
Let me know in the comments what is on your list of things to leave behind this year?
Until Next Time, Have a Great Day! Remember you are a badass!