Video Games: Why we shouldn’t be upset when men play them

Hello, my redonkulous friends. We are in the month of June which is Men’s Health Month and this week is International Men’s Health week the 15th – 21st. Men moving your body and being healthy is great and all, but it doesn’t always have to do with the mind. I like to think my content is pretty gender-neutral, but today I wanted to specifically talk about men’s mental health and why we shouldn’t be upset when men play video games.

video games mens mental health

**Everything stated in this post is my own opinion and through the observation of my fiance and/or life in general. Please don’t come for me Karen’s of the world**

This all started because I kept seeing this trend on Tiktok of women walking in putting their wedding rings on the game console while the man is playing saying she deserves it more. While it is a joke and sometimes we do find it annoying that you are always playing the console too much.

I am by no means saying I am better than anyone else and it is not something I would do, because that would be a lie I have done it with Mike’s Carolina Reaper plant when we started our Urban Homestead. However, I recently had a revelation watching these videos and it blew my freaking mind.

video games mens mental health

Don’t click off… give me a second or two to explain.

Most men probably use video games to cope with their mental health.

Your Man Works Hard

There is a difference between a man who knows his priorities and knows his responsibilities in life come first. A real man does what he needs to, to provide for his family. He goes to work, he takes the trash out (after being told numerous times), he plays with his kids, he does the yard work. All the while loving you. He does all the things before he does something for himself. This is the type of man who deserves some downtime with his side chicks. You know Xboxsita and Playstationia.

A man child sits around all day with no job playing video games. He doesn’t clean up after himself at all, lives off of his mama, his girlfriend, or whoever and he will always have an excuse on why he can’t or won’t get a job. This right here is the reason why women get upset and you should be.

Self Care: Women VS Men

Us woman do all sorts of things for our mental health. One of the many things we do is self-care. Be it getting our nails or hair done, journaling, taking a long bath, shopping, meditation, etc… and why do we do that? Because it is things we can control. Doing these things we know what the outcome will be. It eases our mind and gives us a brief period of time where we don’t have to think about things, we just do it and its the same for men with their video games.

I see when Mike is having a hard day he comes home and jumps on the Xbox while I am running around the house cleaning. You throw in Xbox live and we are done for. He chills with his friends and takes out the aggression that he had building up throughout the day.

At first, I used to get really upset about it. Until I read the article by Johnny Chiodini in which he talks about how video games helped him with his anxiety and depression. He is bringing awareness to men’s mental health. He created a series on his Youtube channel called Low Batteries. Please check it out.

Mike and I have been together for 8 years now and at the beginning of our relationship, Mike was a man child. However, over the years he has grown into a real man. Who occasionally forgets things. I can’t blame him, I forget shit too. He works anywhere from 40-80 hours a week and then comes home to listen to me and my problems. Mike doesn’t ask for much, he never has and because of that he deserves the time to play the games I just don’t understand.

Men Shouldn’t Show Emotions

Think of it from his perspective. Men are programmed from a young age not to acknowledge mental health, especially men’s mental health. Because of that, he is not going to come in and openly express his feelings, because society has made it clear men are not to do that. You think he is a man of few words, but a lot of words are probably running through his head. Unlike us women who know very well how to express what we are feeling. Men sometimes do not know-how.

You ask how his day was he may just tell you “It was fine” or “It was a rough day” but he is not going to go into detail about what happened. Its not their fault they are that way. Again society teaches that men are to be strong and showing feelings is a weakness. Men’s mental health is a weakness.

Day in and day out he has his boss telling him what to do, customers telling him what to do and he comes home to you telling him what to do. Video games are an outlet where NO ONE is telling him what to do. He is in control and this makes him relax and enjoy his time until Karen comes in making a TikTok putting her ring on the console saying the console deserves it more.

When he takes to long

If you are going to be a while tell us. I know Mike has done it and it annoys the crap out of me. Don’t say “I am just going to play a quick game” and when I ask “how long” the response I get is “20 minutes tops”. I know Mike is horrible with time, so I give him about 40 minutes. With that being said I do expect the game to be over by then.

Although should we get upset when it doesn’t end in 20 minutes because we women do it too. “Babe, we’re just gonna run in real quick just in and out to (insert store, BFF’s house, Sister’s house… whatever) and 45 minutes later we are finally leaving.

All of us really need to work on our realistic time expectations. Don’t say 20 minutes when its actually going to be 45 minutes long. As I said before a real man will tend to his priorities before turning on the game. Meaning you have spent time with your family, we have had dinner, we have cleaned up after dinner, showers are taken. I know how you men are about showering. Kill two birds with one stone and play video games with the kids. ( if you have kids)

Photo by Jessica Lewis from Pexels

When it is a cause for concern

Although I am saying video games could be used as a stress reliever. Men, the amount of time you sit on the console is strictly up to you. If you spend every waking second on the game it would eventually worry me. Spending all your free time on the console would call for concern. It would make me think you are unhappy with me, your kids, your job, or your life in general.

Playing games here and there are fine, but when it’s ALL you want to do. You may have to seek outside treatment because video games are no longer being used as a stress relief. You are trying to escape something or someone.

When you are in a healthy relationship

ATTENTION MEN… Every once in a while if you want to spend a night playing video games by all means please do. However, I would highly suggest telling us, women. You know to communicate with your big boy voice. Just saying “Hey I am going to play video games all night long. It has been a rough day and I just need to let loose”. Men’s mental health is not something to just tiptoe around, say something. You don’t have to go into detail, just say something.

That statement is all well and perfectly A-okay to say, because when you find yourself a woman. I mean a REAL woman she will respect you and your need for some video game time. She will go do her own thing or ask to join you. When you have a woman who is insecure with herself and your relationship she will think you are trying to replace her. She thinks that you don’t have the capacity to love her and play video games at the same time.

In The End

I don’t mean to sound like I am putting down women. It is not meant to be like that at all. I just know how I was being young in relationships. I wanted all of their attention and when it didn’t happen I felt threatened. When you grow up you understand and recognize that you do things for your mental health. Things your husband or significant other just doesn’t understand and you spend hours doing it. Of course, after all of your priorities and responsibilities are done. Who is to say videos games are not the same thing for men’s mental health. It’s a source to put his mind on pause and just focus on something that doesn’t involve much thinking.

It just like when we are all working on something really hard and we are frustrated and upset. Someone pops in and says “Hey walk away for a bit and then come back to it with fresh eyes”. It is what we all do when we are again frustrated and upset we do something to clear our minds. After we come back to our real-world problems and maybe… just maybe we figured out what we needed to.

If he is doing what he is supposed to be doing for you, your family, your life together. Let the man have the damn video games. Talk to him if it is getting out of control. Come to a conclusion and a compromise you both can agree upon. You do your mental health/ spa night the same night he plays video games all night long. Order a pizza, wings, and snacks for both of you to enjoy your alone time in the house together.

Until next time, Have a great day.

video games mens mental health

27 Replies to “Video Games: Why we shouldn’t be upset when men play them”

  1. Once I realized it was HIS form of relaxation and self-care I learned to just accept it. Because dragging him with me to get a mani/pedi just ain’t happenin’ lol

    1. Exactly once I changed my way of thinking about him playing video games. It just clicked and I found myself not upset anymore.

  2. Another great post Michele. Whilst my partner isn’t into video games he does his thing I do mine. If we expected to be in each other’s pockets we would drive each other mad.

    1. Even if its not video games, he has something he does for himself and you don’t get upset at him if he pays a little more attention to that than you, because you got your own things going on. Karen, you are a rare type of woman. Welcome to the club. LOL

  3. This is how sewing is for me. It’s all about balance and just not letting it consume your entire life!

    1. All you can ask for is balance. If there is no balance then that would be the cause for concern.

  4. You are bringing a very interesting and valid point of view. We need to remember they also need some “me time”.

    1. As long as there is balance, you can have all the me-time you want.

  5. Glorious Heights says: Reply

    You wrote is so wonderfully.. I agree we need to give them space to do their own stuff.

    1. Yeah, it took many years to come to this conclusion. I wish I would have seen it earlier. Could have saved ourselves from some arguments.

  6. Sophia John says: Reply

    There is no problem with playing video games. Only ma condition is just add me to plat the game 🙂

    1. Sophia, I agree for the most part. It really depends on which game. We play certain games together because I suck at First-person shooter games.

  7. Melanie Hamilton says: Reply

    I love every bit of this! I think it’s so important to analyze what we think and why – you hit the nail on the head 🙂

    1. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner. I mean I take my time to dye my hair, write a blog, watch my favorite show. Why should I get upset if he does the same, but with video games?

  8. This is a great post. Indeed you are right. We, men need also a time to relax and playing video and online games are helpful ways for us to keep ourselves away from stress.

    1. I wish I would have figured this out sooner. I regret becoming upset with my fiance throughout the years. I am glad though it clicked for me now.

  9. hi
    you have explained this very well indeed, sometimes we do need out downtime and we actually hate answering how the day was at work after a long hard day out there

    1. I stopped asking that. I let him come to me now. If he wants to talk he will talk. I don’t pressure him in answering something he doesn’t want to.

  10. I never thought I’d men playing video games as another form of self-care. It makes so much sense!

    1. Once you think of it as self-care, you realize you should have never been mad/upset about it.

  11. Marta Skeledžija says: Reply

    I dont know what somebody would be upset when someone dose something they like. I play video games, so dose my husband. We grow up with it. We passed that love on to our children.

  12. Elizabeth O says: Reply

    This is such a great post. I agree that men needs space too and privacy when they needed it. Playing video games is one of their stress reliever.

  13. I personally think that video games are a huge waste of time. However, everyone is free to spend his – or her – life the way they please.

  14. Video games can definitely be a stress reliever and relaxation technique, but they can also be addicting. Until it becomes a problem, don’t worry about it.

  15. I have never heard of International Men’s Health week. WOW.
    But well, I always will be pissed if anyone plays games. Real life is definitely better.

  16. I’ve never had a problem with my man playing online games because he knows his limitations and also he only do it when he needs to take a break from work. I love how you share your point of view!

  17. I think it’s healthy for couples to have separate “me” time!

Leave a Reply