It is safe to say that A LOT of us have tuned in to watch the trial of Johnny Depp v Amber Heard‘s defamation case against each other. It has been a media frenzy and has completely taken over any and all social media platforms. Everyone has an opinion on it and so I might as well throw my 2 cents in because…
I’m a survivor of Domestic Violence. Those of us who can say that statement loud and proud might find the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard trial a little triggering…WHY? Because we have lived through it and are standing up against abusers to tell our stories.
Johnny is suing Amber and Amber is countersuing Johnny. I am not going to talk about defamation. Because all it is… is he said she said… Kind of hard to prove. Not impossible, but very hard. But we will see because we still don’t have a verdict yet. I want to talk about the evidence that was presented to us during the trial. While this trial is about defamation there is one big conflict at the heart of it… Amber says Johnny abused her and vice versa. Johnny says Amber abused him. So what’s the truth? Who is the REAL survivor of domestic violence?
Watching with an open mind
I have been watching the trial since day one and I went into this with an open heart and an open mind. For those of you who don’t know I have a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice with an emphasis in law enforcement. I have always been interested in true crime, cold cases, and trials.
I knew this case was starting soon because of the casual mention of it on TikTok at the start of the pandemic. Being a fan of Johnny Depp I never knew about the things I know now. I didn’t know he was married, that they got divorced, that she wrote an op-ed in the Washington post, or that they had a defamation trial before this in the UK in which Johnny sued the British tabloid The Sun for publishing a ‘wife beater’ claim.
In doing some research to just get the basics of why this trial was happening… I learned that Amber Heard was accusing Johnny Depp of domestic violence. Being a survivor of Domestic violence myself I knew that if these statements are true Johnny should be held accountable. I won’t jump the gun because domestic violence is no joke. I was coming into this trial completely blind.
A quick backstory
Johnny was in a relationship with Vanessa Paradis for 14 years (1998 – 2012) and had 2 beautiful children Jack and Lily-Rose. Heard was in a relationship with photographer and painter Tasya van Ree for four years from 2008 to 2012. Shortly after both of their splits in 2012, Johnny started dating Amber whom he had known since 2009 when they first met while filming the movie The Rum Diary. Johnny and Amber eventually got married in 2015 and one year later Amber filed for divorce in 2016. And this is where things go downhill…
I am going to start with Amber’s side… Even though we heard Johnny’s side first.
Amber’s side of Events
Amber’s testimony while on the stand starts out with her telling how the beginning of their relationship was like a movie. “It was beautiful. I feel like this man knew me and saw me in a way that no one else had”. She also says that “when she was around Johnny she felt like the most beautiful person in the world.” She goes into this deep descriptive wording while recalling their relationship. It felt like a dream and felt like absolute magic.
Johnny gave her lavish gifts and swept her off to his private island in the Bahamas. Amber was falling head over heels in love with this man because she has never been treated this way before.
Heard then describes how over time the relationship took a turn.
For a person who has been in an abusive relationship. You felt this. You know what it feels like to be “love bombed”. Love bombing occurs when someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection.
Resonating with Amber
I resonated with Amber when she spoke of this. It hit home for me when she said she had never been treated this way before. I myself have been there before. I was made to feel like I was the only girl in the world when I was around my ex. He wanted to spend all of his time with me and would tell me he missed me when I wasn’t around.
In my live on Tiktok, it seemed like a lot of us related to her. It seemed to be a recurring theme in those of us who have been in abusive relationships. It always started out beautiful, magically, and felt like you were in your own relationship bubble. Then slowly over time the relationship changes and by that time you are already sucked in. You are in love and think you can change them.
The first encounter…
The first time the abuse started Amber said she will never forget what happened. It changed her life.
“We were sitting on the couch having a normal conversation no fighting no argument. Nothing. He was drinking…I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think he was using cocaine because there was a jar. A JAR…A JAR of cocaine on the table. I realize that sounds weird… but it was an actual vintage jar of it. But I didn’t see him using at that time. I didn’t really factor that in.
He was drinking and we were talking. There is music playing. He’s smoking cigarettes. Were sitting next to each other on the couch. I ask him about the tattoo he has on his arm. And to me, it just looked like black marks. I didn’t know what it said. It looked like a muddled faded tattoo that was hard to read. I asked what did it say and he replied it said, Wino.
I didn’t see that and thought he was joking because it didn’t look like it said that at all and I laughed. It was that simple. I just laughed because I thought he was joking. He slapped me across the face and I laughed. I laughed because I didn’t know what else to do. I thought this must be a joke. This must be a joke because I didn’t know what was going on. I just stared at him. Kind of laughing still.
Thinking that he was gonna start laughing too to tell me this was a joke. But he didn’t. He said do you think this is so funny. You think this is funny bitch. You think you are a funny bitch. And he slapped me again. It was clear that it wasn’t a joke anymore. I stopped laughing but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know what to do and you would think you would have a response.
I, as a woman, had never been hit like that. I’m an adult and I’m sitting next to the man I love. He slapped me. He slapped me for no reason it seemed like and I missed the point. It was that stupid. Second slap I know he is not kidding. But I don’t know what else to say or do. So I just stare at him. I didn’t say anything I didn’t react. I didn’t move or freak out or defend myself. Or say what are you doing. You’re crazy. I just stared at him because I didn’t know what else to do.
Then he slaps me one more time. HARD. I lose my balance at this point and were sitting next to each other on the edge of the couch. I was on the edge of the couch. All of a sudden I am realizing that the worse thing has just happened to me that could possibly happen to you.
I realized that I wish so much he had said he was joking. Because it didn’t hurt. Didn’t physically hurt me. I was just sitting there on this carpet looking at the dirty carpet. Wonder how I ended up on this carpet. Why I never noticed how filthy this carpet was before. I just didn’t know what else to do.“
I was hesitant to believe her because even though I typed out her testimony. I left out A LOT of filler works. Words like uh, er, like, and um because they can come out during moments of hesitation. They often slip out when someone lies. As well as stuttering. She did a lot of that as well.
But what sealed the deal for me is as her testimony went on she changed her story saying the abuse had happened since day one. Where did that magic and love bubble go that you were talking about previously? If the abuse happened so early on you wouldn’t have been in love. You could have left. Your heart wouldn’t have been in it.
Then she started embellishing insignificant details while avoiding important ones. The carpet. She was so focused on us knowing that the carpet was filthy, dirty, and disgusting and that she had never noticed it before. Bringing up that her dog stepped on a bee.
During Heard’s testimony, she shared many other incidents of physical violence. Described occasions in which Depp slapped her, threw her to the ground, grabbed her by the hair, pushed her against a wall, head-butted her, and even threw objects at her, including drinking glasses and a cellphone.
She described so many other instances when Johnny laid his hands upon her. He punched her REPEATEDLY in the face, but only has a few red marks to show for it. She talked in great detail about the abuse that happened, but only showed one bruise on her arm.
Heard also says that Johnny sexually assaulted her with a broken bottle. With all these claims of abuse, Amber has not provided one single medical document to back up her claims. If her injuries are as bad as she described… Why did she not seek medical attention?
Her assistant has come out many times saying that Amber stole her sexual abuse story. We all witnessed as the trial went on she started grasping for things in mid-air in hopes to get everyone on her side.
The more she talked or her lawyers the more I got this gut feeling that she wasn’t telling the truth. It made me have flashbacks of my abuser who put the blame on everyone else. Throughout the trial, she never took responsibility for anything. She claimed everyone else lied. They all lied. Grasping at things that didn’t even make sense.
The Audio Recordings
I went back and listened to the audio all the way through. That is what sealed the deal for me. The mocking, the manipulation, the following him, and the way she spoke to him in general. Just through me back to the way my abuser would talk to me. The responses Johnny is giving remind me of how I felt in the moment, but never said it out loud. Because I knew more hitting would come if I did.
In one audio Johnny says “I keep doing stuff wrong And I really can’t feel like that.”No matter what I did in my relationship I was ALWAYS made to feel like I was in the wrong or that I made the mistake. Everything I did was WRONG.
She talks in circles and it is so fucking confusing even being an outsider looking. She confuses you so much that you don’t know what you were originally talking about.
Narcissist and Histrionic
Amber’s one criticism of Johnny is his lack of consideration. The disappearing act of his attention and energy. He doesn’t text her when he has been gone an hour. The Mayo Clinic says People with a narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling, and others may not enjoy being around them.
That surely sounds like what Amber is doing here.
Watching Amber over these 6 weeks we have seen her show signs of Histrionic personality disorder (HPD). The mental health condition is marked by unstable emotions, a distorted self-image, and an overwhelming desire to be noticed. People with HPD often behave dramatically or inappropriately to get attention. (My.ClevelandClinic.org)
They talk about so many different things in just one 4.5-hour audio recording.
Except the one thing I can see is a big problem. Amber saw Johnny as someone she could easily manipulate. She could easily control with her looks. Multiple of her friends were living in Johnny’s house rent-free and he ALWAYS footed the bill for everything.
Amber wants to be number one in Johnny’s life. Even when it comes to his kids. She wants to be the center of attention and johnny is just living life the best way he knows how. By being creative. Making art, doing music, and acting. It is okay to have a life outside of your wife or partner.
Easily provoked and angered
In this same audio, Johnny made a reference to Toronto and how they got into a fight. He said the people standing outside the door heard everything that was said. Amber’s mood changes and she starts raising her voice. Get the mystery help you keep referencing sit them in front of me and have them tell me what it is I said to you. I have yet to hear from one person what it is I said to you. So whoever you are talking about quit fucking referencing them. Be fucking fair, fight fucking fair, get them here right now I wanna fucking see them look them in the eye, and hear them tell me in front of me… in front of you what I fucking said in Toronto because I didn’t say a fucking thing. I didn’t do a fucking thing in Toronto.
Then all of sudden she goes back to being calm. It is like a rollercoaster of emotions listening to the audio. She jumps from one thing to another then another then another. It is always what Johnny did. What he did wrong, what he said, how he responded. It is never perfect. She nitpicks EVERYTHING.
It is always a contest. John says I was upset, poked, and called names… Amber’s reply is always Imagine feeling that way, but 1000 times worse. What she has experienced is SOOOO much worse. The rollercoaster of the conversations is Amber being cool, calm, collected, annoyed, angry, yelling, cool, calm, collected, annoyed, angry, yelling. This cycle repeats throughout.
I am not involved in this but I feel for Johnny because I have been where he was at.
She kicked him out of the house since he walking downstairs to leave anyways. He said he was going to the couch. Amber says johnny ALWAYS splits. ALWAYS SPLITS in an argument and Johnny replies. I have to leave the room because it gets violent. Amber replies you split before it gets violent.
John said it perfectly… You have your truth and I have mine.
Johnny Depp v Amber Heard
Listening to the hours and hours and hours of audio just brought me right back to my abusive relationship. She says over and over how she wants to make promises to each other. That they are going to keep these promises and that they are not going to do certain things. Johnny says you think I run from situations.. (Amber: you always take off and I can’t trust you) Baby, baby, baby… I can’t be…I can’t just stand there and take the punches. At a certain point, I am just going to react. (Amber: that’s not what I am saying. We are talking about splitting. I’m not asking you to stand there while I punch you.)
In multiple audios, she admits to hitting him. Not once does he say he laid a hand on her? And she is the one who was mostly recording the videos and audio. As a way to catch him in the act of doing something, but he never did. I could go on and on about these audios. You can hear the sadness in his voice and the anger in hers. It is very triggering and I had to take multiple breaks to listen to it.
Johnny Depps’ Testimony
As soon as Johnny took the stand. I could feel what he was feeling retelling these stories. You can hear the hurt and the sadness in his voice. His facial expressions and his body movement speak volumes and show you he is reliving these moments in his head. Like they are happening right there in the present moments.
Johnny is telling his story the way I have done numerous times. I can’t imagine how it must have felt to lose the top of a finger. Amber claims that Johnny lost the tip of his finger during a 3-day drug and alcohol bender. Johnny says that Amber threw 2 bottles of vodka at him. The first one missed and smashed against the wall. The second hit his hand that was leaning over the edge of the bar counter.
After it happened he looked down at his hand only to be met with the bone exposed in his middle finger.
Amber’s team wants to bring up the audio recordings or witness testimonies that Johnny said he cut his finger off himself. But how many of us who have suffered domestic abuse lied about what caused our injuries?? We walked into a door. We slipped down some stairs. We are clumsy. We did it to ourselves. We have lied so many times to try and keep the peace.
I saw the pattern that I had repeated so many times in my abusive relationship in the way Johnny told his story.
As an outsider looking in I can say that both parties are toxic. They both had toxic behaviors that brought out an ugly side in both of them. Johnny admitted time and time again that his alcohol and drug use probably did not help his relationship. Amber has yet to claim any of her toxic behaviors. She spent the whole trial blaming everyone but herself. Why because that is what narcissists do.
The Mayo Clinic has the perfect definition of Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
Survivors of abuse
Those of us who can relate to this trial so much can see ourselves in Johnny. We see our abusers in Amber. That is why we have no problem NOW calling Amber out on her bullshit. We lived it. We know from our experience that the abuser will blame everyone else even when things are looking grim against them. They have this delusion that they are lying their ass off so good people MUST BELIEVE THEM. Even after proving time and time again that what they did, doesn’t make them the VICTIM.
As I finish this post we received the verdict of the case. The jury unanimously voted to award Johnny 10 million in compensatory damages and 5 million in punitive damages. Which Judge Penney capped at 350,00 because of Virginia State law. Amber was awarded 2 million in compensatory damages.
Right after the verdict
Johnny posted this heartfelt statement on social media thanking everyone involved in the case. From the jury to the judge to the officers and security who kept everyone safe.
Amber posted on her Instagram and Twitter a statement about the verdict.
This right here proves what type of person Amber is… Making MORE defamatory statements about Johnny not even 3 minutes after the verdict was read. Elaine Bredecoft, her lawyer is going on all these morning talk shows still pointing fingers at Johnny’s team and the judicial system. Blaming Judge Penney and the jurors. After six weeks of going through this court hearing. Amber still cannot let it go. Even though she said she wanted to move on with her life… This is what an abuser does.
Amber’s statement talks about how much of a setback this verdict is for domestic violence survivors everywhere. This is just her trying to play the victim. I AM A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR. I, as well as MANY other people, do not think this. I think this case shows the world that anyone can lie. Anyone can say he hit me, she hit me. Domestic violence is not for just one gender. Domestic violence is not something that just happens to women. It shows the world that it can happen to men. It could happen to anyone. Abuse has no gender.
By you making those statements sets it back for us survivors. You thought you were doing something amazing by appointing yourself the “face” of domestic abuse. Only a narcissist would take it upon themselves to give a title like that. It sucks for you because nobody in their right mind would want you as the face. A lot of us don’t believe you. You Mrs. Heard and your lawyers are the ones making a mockery of domestic abuse. Take your loss and move on. Justice was served to the survivor. Not to the abuser.
Johnny could turn around and sue her again for defamation but he won’t he got his victory. She taunted him in one of the audio records. She didn’t think he would come out and say it.
“Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp — I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence. see how many people believe or side with you.”
Eat your words, Mrs. Heard. He said it loud and proud. Yes, I am and for that, we do stand with him.
Until next time, have a good day! Remember you are a badass!